S1 E1: How can I stop impulse spending [when it feels good]?

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In this episode, Financial Therapist Rachel Duncan, answers the #1 listener questions: How do I stop impulse spending when I'm emotional? Discover strategies to understand the feelings driving impulse buys, and replace impulsive spending with healthier, dopamine-boosting activities. Learn the importance of self-care in financial stability and get an invitation to join a supportive community to navigate the complexities of money management. Listen in for tips that not only curb impulse spending but also enhance overall well-being.

00:35 What is Impulse Spending ?

01:29 Understanding the Emotional Triggers

02:03 What is the Want Beneath the Want?

03:01 The Role of Dopamine in Impulse Spending

03:44 Replacing Impulse Spending with Healthy Habits

05:22 Planning for Controlled Impulse Spending

06:15 The Long-Term Process of Change

07:02 Community Support and Resources

• Read The Transcript Here

  Welcome to the Money Healing Club podcast. I'm your host, Rachel Duncan. I'm a financial therapist and art therapist, and you've come to the softest place to land in personal finance. This podcast is for education and entertainment purposes only. For help with your particular situation, please seek help from a licensed professional in mental health, taxes, and finance.

  Here, we talk about all the things we don't usually say when we talk about money. Let's begin.

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   So I have a question around a money related habit that I would love to change and that is impulsive spending. Just it feels like I have no control over it and I notice particularly when there's uncomfortable feelings come up or I'm dealing with emotional pain.

  It's a form of self soothing, but it's just causing so much stress. So I'd love to know some strategies to deal with that in a healthier way. Thank you so much.

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   The topic of impulse spending is the number one issue people come to me with. So it sounds like We can break this into three things. Number one, you feel out of control when you do an impulse spend and you don't like that feeling. Maybe you're the kind of person who, maybe you think of yourself as someone who has a lot of self control, but when when we do things that are not the story we tell ourselves about ourselves, that causes this internal stress where you feel really out of alignment.

  Number two, You already hear it. You already know impulse shopping is not an actual solution for emotional pain, but it does feel good in the moment. And in the moment, we don't think about the future stress that the impulse shopping will cause. And then there's number three, a real practical effect of spending more than your bank account can handle, possibly getting into debt from impulse spending.

  So all of that, maybe more is wrapped into your question.

  So here's the thing, we don't buy things, we buy feelings.

  I define an impulse spend as something you bought, that you hadn't planned for and it had a real impulsive drive in the moment and you regretted it afterwards, because sometimes we buy things impulsively that were needed in the moment or felt fine. No problem. But there's something about when we talk about impulse spending, it's usually a purchase that you look back on and you wish you hadn't done that. You weren't sure why you did it, what your state of mind was probably because you're dealing with the aftereffects of that purchase.

  So think about a specific example. What was the feeling you were buying? What was the want beneath the want? For example, a lot of folks in the club talk about cosmetics, jewelry, and clothing. So what's the want beneath the want? There can be so many things. Maybe you have great taste. You love being around beautiful things.

  Maybe there's a fantasy version of yourself that wears floral dresses every day. Maybe you're on a quest for the perfect pair of jeans. I get it.

  And sometimes there's a bigger thing when we are dealing with something emotional. We have some pain. Our daily life sometimes can lead us to feel helpless. And the thing with buying something is, it's pretty reliable. It's a reliable dopamine hit, and sometimes you just need a win that day.

  So that could also be the want beneath the want. I need something to deliver to me in a way that this day is not delivering.

  So we just want to normalize, often, buying things impulsively, when you're caught up in the moment, it does feel good. And that is dopamine. You've probably heard it before. Dopamine is all about the satisfaction of the hunt. Dopamine is also the thing that keeps us driven to achieve something. And the thing is, once you achieve it that neurochemical goes away. So that's the letdown. That's the aspect of impulse shopping that doesn't last, even though it feels like it makes so much sense in the moment that this one thing is going to solve all your problems. That's dopamine doing its work. This is also why just stopping impulse spending doesn't work because when and where are you going to get some satisfaction in your day?

  If there's any behavior any of us want to stop doing, you need to replace it with something that will work for you. Every no needs a yes.

  There are other ways to get dopamine in your day. And other ways that give you dopamine along with other lasting neurochemicals like oxytocin and serotonin.

  So I want you to brainstorm other ways that you feel good. So I want you to think about all of the things that bring you pleasure, that bring you little hits of satisfaction. Often they are things that get you into a flow state like creative hobbies, play, therapeutic connections, time in nature, exercise.

  So make a brain dump of all these little things that bring you pleasure.

  I gotta say, often these things are under the category of self care that we all know we need to do. But I hope reframing self care in a way that is protective against impulse spending will help you. When we're active in our self care, then we're not needing that impulse spend to give us that sense of completion because we feel more complete in ourselves.

  So make a brain dump of all the things that bring you pleasure, including little moments like listening to music, sipping your tea, and looking out the window. Like little micro things that aren't, we're not talking weekend warrior stuff, something you can bring into your daily life, like lighting a candle, petting your cat, things that just bring you a little sense of pleasure. Now that's a little dopamine hit in itself. Also brings along these other really good, more lasting neurochemicals that I talked about.

  My last bit of advice might feel counterintuitive, might feel a little rebellious.

  I want you to plan for an impulse spend. I want you to set aside either in your mind or literally like an envelope of certain sum of money each week that you are going to treat yourself with. I want you to plan for it. I want you to savor it. If it's the fresh baked croissant down the street on a Friday morning, if it's plan to buy those pair of earrings you've been eyeing. When we plan for it and we savor it, then you're not going to experience the guilt because you're actually going to have that satisfaction. I hunted for that thing and I got it. When you can learn to rely on yourself a little bit and still enjoy the moment you're going to find The out of control impulse spending start to go down.

  This is a long process You know i've given you a handful of tips here for you to bring into your every day. Don't expect one and done life hack your way out of this. This is a long process because impulse spending has a high reward experience and it can lead to a real addictive relationship with it.

  So it could take some time.

  It might take listening to this podcast several times to keep reminding yourself, and that's okay. This is not a pass fail thing, but if you're in a place where you're seeing the real practical effects of impulse spending on your finances, it is worth it to relisten to this, get in touch with true self care, and maybe with the new motivation of, Oh, self care may equal more financial stability.

  One of the things that may be adding to your sense of feeling out of control is that you're doing this alone. You look around and it seems that other people have got this sorted out. First off, It's probably not true. I think everyone feels a little bit Like they're faking it when it comes to money So that's number one. If someone seems like they've got it worked out You don't know for sure what's going on in their financial picture. And secondly, there is a crew of people unpacking this impulse spending thing, money avoidance, debt cycle, big things about what's the future of the world and the often helpless feeling that we have in an economy that is not really built for our wellness. So that is the money healing club. Which is a low cost monthly membership. It's and online support group with courses, live events, an active forum, quarterly challenges, everything to get your money organized and to neutralize the big emotions you might have with money within a really wonderful, vibrant community.

  Use the coupon code podcast for 50 percent off your first month in the club.

  And I'll end with this. It is okay to live in the moment and be a little spontaneous and love beauty and self improvement. Those are all beautiful qualities you have. And there is a way you can live in that space while also trusting yourself with money. It's a messy road that is different for everyone, but I'm on this journey with you.

  Thank you for sharing and I'll see you in the next episode.